


The Shadows Grow Longer

by silversoul_snow



Category: DBSK | Tohoshinki | TVfXQ | TVXQ
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Gen, Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, OT5, Recovery, Sad with a Happy Ending, Supernatural Elements, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-06-01 00:11:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6493327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silversoul_snow/pseuds/silversoul_snow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Never in a million years would they have expected this, all their dreams shattering around them. Haunted by his ghost, neither of them could fully move on until they found the missing part.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Shadows Grow Longer

**Author's Note:**

> Basically because a friend of mine decided that Jaejoong gets killed off too often in the fics, we decided to swap things around a bit.

The Shadows Grow Longer

 

**_In the darkness of the night I am scared_ **

 

There were no beautiful farewells when they received the news. Only anguished cries that ran through the building as Jaejoong gasped, dropping to his knees, screams dying in his throat as he struggled to push air out of his lungs. His phone had dropped with a clatter next to him, the person on the other line calling out his name desperately.

 

“Breathe hyung. Breathe.” Yoochun squatted beside the elder as he rubbed his soulmate’s back, feeling his own tears betraying him as they started to form.

 

“Tell me it’s not true. Tell me it’s not true Yoochunnie ah. Tell me it isn’t.” Jaejoong mumbled over and over again as he gripped the younger’s shoulder, hard. Yoochun shook his own head as his mouth ran dry. He couldn’t force any words out of his mouth.

 

“It’s the truth, hyung. Accept it.” A cold voice ran through the room. Jaejoong looked up slightly to see Junsu looking out of the window, his mouth set in a grim line.

 

“Su ah...” Jaejoong reached out to touch the younger but Junsu avoided him, ignoring the hurt that flashed through the elder’s eyes. He headed towards his room, not before stopping and turning back to look at his two hyungs who were clinging onto each other tightly.

 

“Hyung. Pull yourself together.” He said before closing the door to his room, pretending not to notice the broken ‘Junsu ah’ that slipped out of his broken hyungs’ mouth and cracking sounds of his own broken heart.

 

~~~

 

**_When the wind blows, I'll be the wall that shields you_ **

 

The week passed in a frenzy, with JYJ staying in their house the entire time, thanks to the hundreds of fans that have gathered outside their company and their house. Their phones flashed and rang with unread messages and missed calls, some expressing their concern, others informing them of their schedule for the next few days.

 

Yet the call they had been waiting from _him_ never came.

 

~~~

 

**_To soar, find a place where your sadness will be healed_ **

 

The funeral they attended was small, personal, heartbreaking, bittersweet, nostalgic all in one. There were no lingering ghosts, no love stories that expanded past eternity, no sad and sorrowful music playing. His parents were sitting at the front row, eyes staring blankly, tears flowing freely. The three of them sat together in the front row on the other side, hands clasped together, head bowed as the silent tears streamed down their faces.

 

There were no loud sobbings, no tissues being passed around, no words being uttered. Just silence. Silence had always suited their maknae. Ever since their debut together, ever since the lawsuit happened, ever since they came back with three empty spaces, and even now in death.

 

“We will now hear a few words from his loved ones.”

 

They listened as people told memories of Changmin, the first time he ate an ice cream and got it all over him, the first time he entered school and aced his subjects, the first time he left his parents to pursue his dream. Some memories they were familiar with, some memories they weren’t.

 

It wasn’t when silence fell over them again did they look up, only to find everyone staring at them. They had been so lost in thought that they had missed their cue. It was his mother’s request for them to speak at his funeral. They wanted to reject the request but who could bring himself to reject a wish of a mother who had just lost her only son?

 

They stood and slowly made their way to the podium. They felt honored... and terrified. Neither of them were willing to come to terms with reality, to understand that they would never be seeing the younger again. Jaejoong’s hand crushed a piece of paper in his pocket. They had prepared a speech beforehand but reading it didn’t seem appropriate at all. It felt too fake. So they decided to speak from their heart.

 

They spoke of the early years with Changmin, the silent maknae of their team when they first debuted. They spoke of the first year in Japan, trying to master a language that wasn’t their own and Changmin’s funny attempts with oyaji gags. They spoke of the joys that the younger had bought them. But none of them mentioned the lawsuit. Neither did the audience dare to bring it up.

 

As Junsu stared out into the audience, he was reminded of the times when Changmin would tease him mercilessly. So they continued speaking.

 

They spoke of the times when Changmin and Junsu were at constant war with each other. They spoke of the nights when Changmin would wake Yoochun up just for a midnight snack. They spoke of the afternoons when Changmin would bother Jaejoong endlessly for food.

 

But none of them spoke of the nights, after the lawsuit, staring out into the stars, dreaming of the past. None of them spoke of the loneliness they felt. And none of them spoke of the wishes and dreams that they once had of the future, standing together as five on stage in front of a beautiful red ocean. And now faded into ashes.

 

Their speech ended and they walked off the podium in the exact same way that they had gone up.

 

And throughout the entire funeral, there had been no sign of _him._

 

~~~

 

**_Can you live with an empty place in your heart?_ **

 

As it turned out, JYJ weren’t the only one worried over the whereabouts of their missing leader. So were Cassiopeia, who applied their FBI stalking skills but the results turned up blank.

 

So it came as a surprise when one stormy night, Yoochun opened their door to a thin, shivering, drenched Yunho standing outside.

 

~~~

 

**_The promises we’ve shared is everything to me_ **

 

The first dinner together had been awkward, each party not knowing how to react to each other. Yunho stared at his plate. Yoochun played around with his food. Jaejoong escaped to the safety of his kitchen. Junsu took out his PSP and started gaming away.

 

_(and Changmin steals some of Yoochun’s food, leans over Junsu’s shoulder to give a few comments of his gaming skills, gives the leader a shoulder massage before stalking away into the kitchen to demand more food from Jaejoong)_

 

~~~

 

**_Your face is clear when I am full of sad memories and tears_ **

 

A week passed and things were still just as awkward between them. The only words that Yunho had ever uttered were the basic greetings and Itadakimasu (some habits from Japan still stuck with them in Korea).

 

“Jaejoong ah. Could you fetch me my towel? I forgot to bring it in before I had to bath.”

 

“Sure, no problem.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Conversations between them were simple sentences or at times, one words. But Jaejoong believed that the phase would soon pass.

 

~~~

 

**_All the dreams and hopes are made of your eyes_ **

 

@bornfreeonekiss

This will end soon. It’s going to be alright.

 

@6002themicky: @bornfreeonekiss not this one hyung. Not this one

 

The fans simply assumed he meant Jiji, his beloved pet cat, which he had left at Kim Hyun Joon’s house.

 

~~~

 

**_But if we come together immediately we'll be used to becoming boys in short sleeves (again)_ **

 

It’s been exactly ten months since Changmin had died and barely a month since Yunho had appeared on their doorstep on that rainy night. And a few hours ago since Kim Jaejoong had entered the bar.

 

He raised his wine glass up, watching as the smooth surface reflected the dim lights of  bar.

 

“Another glass please.” He said as he passed the glass to the bartender, ignoring the latter’s warning and worried gaze.

 

How much had he drank? He had lost count already. And besides, it wasn’t enough to numb the pain in his heart. Where were they to go from here? For all those years out there as JYJ, being cut off from broadcasting stations, being used by the very own company they hired, everything was done just for the reunion with their two brothers. And now...

 

“You should stop drinking, Jaejoong ah.” A voice drifted over and he looked up to see a tall figure standing in front of him.

 

“Go away Yunho. What are you doing here.” He slurred, shifting his body away from the younger.

 

“Making sure that you don’t get drunk. Come on now.” Yunho said as he supported Jaejoong’s weight, the elder almost collapsing to the floor the minute he stood up from the chair. He placed Jaejoong’s arms around his neck and manoeuvred his way to the exit. “The car is waiting outside.”

 

“Why do you even care? You are no longer our leader anymore.” Jaejoong snarled as he tried to push himself away from Yunho, missing the flash of pain in the younger’s eyes. “Let go of me. I don’t need you to help me.”

 

“What is wrong with you? No matter where you are, where I am, I will always be your leader. That was, and still is, my promise to you guys.” Yunho explained exasperatedly as he let Jaejoong go to avoid getting hit by him. By this time, they had already made their way into an alleyway not far from the bar.

 

“Yeah right. Some leader you are. You let Changmin die. How could you. You were supposed to protect him! But you didn’t! Now he’s dead all because you failed to be a good leader.” Jaejoong growled, glaring at Yunho.

 

Yunho stared at the other in shock. “I... I...” There was nothing he could say in his defense, other than for confirming Jaejoong’s words. _Yes, it was my fault. I was useless and I couldn’t do anything. Yes, I failed you guys. Yes, I wasn’t and still am not a good leader._

 

“Why.” Jaejoong crumbled to the ground, shoulders shaking with tears. “Why did he have to die? Why didn’t the driver check the road properly first? Why? What are we to do now? All these years, we have been singing for both of you, to make you proud, to make Changmin proud. But now... what are we to do.”

 

Yunho knelt down beside his _(ex_ ) member and tilted Jaejoong’s head up to meet his, his own eyes brimming with tears.

 

“We are proud of you. All so very proud. And we can’t be prouder. Changmin loves you. So do I. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect Changmin. I am so sorry. But you guys were great. You did a good job singing for us.”

 

“So now, sing for yourselves.”

 

~~~

 

**_The only person who embraced my tears and my scars in this world, it’s you alone_ **

 

Jaejoong woke up to a pounding headache and an insistent ringing in his ears. He groaned and turned around on his stomach, expecting his face to hit cold hard ground as that was where he always seem to end up on after a night of drinking, only to find his face being met with a soft surface. He moaned and pushed himself up on his arms before deciding that it took too much energy and flopped back onto the fluffy wide pillows.

 

Fluffy wide pillows?

 

He rolled on his bed and wearily blinked his eyes open. It appeared that he was on his bed somehow. He pressed his hand on his head in an attempt to hold back the throbbing headache that was on it’s way, trying to recall memories of the previous night which was a blank in his mind. His head was killing him and he couldn’t remember anything at all. Risking a glance at the clock on the wall, he squinted his eyes as he tried to make out the numbers. ‘10am’ it read. No wonder the sun’s rays were causing his eyes to hurt so much.

 

He sat up on the bed and looked around, eyes drifting to the bedside table, a packet of pills and a cup of water catching his eyes with a note that was held down by the cup.

 

_‘Take two pills every 6 hours. It’ll help you with your hangover. Get some rest. Junsu and Yoochun would be back by 4pm so you can bother them with whatever you want. Till then, if you need anything, just give me a call. I’ve entered my number into your phone. - Yunho’_

 

Yunho... Something in his memory stirred at the mention of the name.

 

Jaejoong fell back onto this bed as the memories of yesterday night came rushing back to him. He winced inwardly as he remembered the words that he had fired at the leader. He couldn’t even believe that he said that. Just how much had he harmed Yunho’s heart?

 

_Oh god. What the hell have I done?_

 

~~~

 

**_Even when the day I stop breathing comes, I will wait for you_ **

 

Silence and darkness greeted him as he entered the house, but given that it was almost 11pm, Yunho wasn’t surprised at all. He had been called by his manager to the company early in the morning to discuss the impending future of TVXQ as Yunho had no way of holding the name by himself and it wouldn’t seem appropriate just for the four of them to use the name (Yunho wanted to laugh at this. _And it had been deemed appropriate only for the duo to use the name?_ , but he wasn’t in any position to say anything). He shuffled towards the kitchen, and switched on the lights, eyes squinting as the bright light pierced his vision. A plate of food which was covered by plastic wrap sat sitting on the table waiting for him, holding down a note.

 

_‘Warm the dinner first before eating. Cold dinner isn’t good for your stomach. The kids are in bed with me. Waiting for you~’_

 

And scribbled in tiny handwriting at the edge of the paper, so tiny that one could almost miss it was:

 

_‘The best leader in the world.’_

 

Yunho smiled to himself and warmed the food, quickly gobbling it down before heading off to bed to join _his_ members. Opening the door, the sight that greeted him nearly brought teas to his eyes. Jaejoong had wrapped his arms around the two younger males, while Yoochun had thrown his leg over this stomach, body turned to face Junsu who was facing the other side. Yunho slipped in between Junsu and Jaejoong, tangling his legs with the latter and resting his head against Junsu’s chest, hand holding Yoochun’s.

 

_(and the bed dips as Changmin climbs in from the other side, sprawling over both Yoochun and Jaejoong, doing a bit of body gymnastics to rest his head on Yunho’s stomach and linking hands with Junsu)_

 

~~~

 

**_Our wounds will heal, though it will not be granted for now_ **

 

Raindrops pelted hard against the window, filling the silence that passed through the haze. Each of the occupants busied themselves with their own activities, only occasionally glancing up at every noise made. The tempest outside raged continuously, showing no signs of stopping, instead growing stronger with every minute that passes. The wind slammed against the windows, wailing like a banshee as it tore through the town, dashing in and out between alleys, jumping from roof to roof. No person in his sane mind would be out in this kind of weather, especially not when the storm was labeled as one of Korea’s worst thunderstorms. Yet, it didn’t seem that Yoochun would fit into that description.

 

Yunho turned his attention from the book that he was reading to the clock hanging on the wall. _10.30pm_ it read. Damn, he thought to himself. It had already been four hours since Yoochun had last left the house. It was nothing big. Really. Just an argument over the _disbandment_ of TVXQ.

 

It had to be expected. After all, no one expected him to carry on TVXQ’s name alone, and SM Entertainment had been too proud to accept JYJ back into the company, not that they would have wanted to. But somehow, of all people to disagree with the arrangement, it had been JYJ themselves. And Yunho tried to ignore that fluttering disapproval and denial in his heart. He couldn’t see what was wrong with the agreement. _(Yes he could. He had promised to keep TVXQ’s name alive.)_

 

And the argument as Yoochun had ran out of the house while Yunho and Jaejoong were at each other’s necks and Junsu had retreated into this room.

 

Yunho heaved a sigh and got up, grabbing his coat and an umbrella before slipping on his shoes, well aware of the stares that were prodding at his back. His stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten anything since last afternoon, having an interview last night and being whisked away early in the morning to the company. And though he knew he had to fill his stomach and his weak body, he had no appetite to eat. Besides, finding Yoochun was more important.

  
“I’m going off to look for Yoochun.” He said, only to receive a ‘hmm’ from Junsu. Things were still awkward between both of them.

 

“Be careful. Come back soon.” Jaejoong replied.

 

~~~

 

**_I'll miss you, even for just one day for one second_ **

 

The streets were bare except for a lone boy sitting against the wall of a building. All lights were absent except for the eerie glow of the street lamps. The pouring rain and crashing thunder filled the ghostly silence that was gripping the scene like a fog. The boy hurdled closer to the wall and shielded his head with his jacket as he drew his knees closer, trying his best to avoid the rain but to no avail. He wrapped his jacket tighter around him, the taste of the rain had long soaked into his bones and he trembled uncontrollably as the wind blew past him. His world currently was a shade of black, matching the night sky above.

 

He had ran out of the house in an attempt to forget about the argument that had happened. He didn’t want to remember. It was bad enough to know that TVXQ had been disbanded - where would they return to now? It was even worse to watch Yunho and Jaejoong tearing each other out. Junsu had the sense to retreat into this room before the fight even broke out. And in his haste to escape from the argument, he had _smartly_ forgotten to bring an umbrella, despite signs of a brewing thunderstorm as the night sky had lit up with flashes of lightning that had appeared unexpectedly.

 

And he had left, with no destination in mind, just simply allowing his feet to bring his body wherever they roam. And yet, of all places to run to, he just had to return to his old company. For what reason? He had no idea. _Or maybe it was the many trips that JYJ had took to SME unnoticed just to see a glimpse of their members again._ And he had caused his members to worry probably. Or maybe they were still arguing. But arguing for more than four hours? Yunho and Jaejoong couldn’t do that. Only Junsu and Changmin could. The tired boy allowed himself to smile a little at the memories.

 

A bitter chuckle escaped his lips as he leaned his head against the wall, eyes closed, long giving up on shielding his face. The rain continued to pour relentlessly on him but he had no energy to care anymore.

 

He was alone. And he wanted his bed. But Yoochun had no idea how to face either of his members again after his ‘dramatic’ escaped from the room and -

 

Had the rain stopped falling? Impossible.

 

He opened his eyes and squinted out into the darkness, and stared at the umbrella that covered his head. A hand extended out to him and a familiar voice reached his ear, causing him to gasp in surprise.

 

“Come on Yoochun ah. Staying out in the rain isn’t good for you. The rest are worried. Let’s go home.” Yunho’s smile blinded his eyes and he blinked away the tears that had sprung up, throwing himself at the older man and burying his head into his shirt.

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I just couldn’t.... No... I....” His apologies came out in stutters and gasps.

 

“You idiot. Why are you apologizing? I should be the one. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything that I have done, that I should have done and that I couldn’t do.” The sheer sincerity in Yunho’s voice broke Yoochun’s heart. He shook his head and buried himself further in.

 

“Come on.” Yunho’s voice was like soothing a kid. “Let’s go home.”

 

Yoochun pulled himself away from the man and smiled. “Yeah. Let’s.”

 

And when the brave leader fell sick after his quest, it came as no surprise to the rest of them that Yoochun was the one who spent most of his time glued to his bedside, looking after the elder.

 

~~~

 

**_If I was given one more chance, I would tell you once again that I love you_ **

 

For most of the part, ever since Junsu could remember, he had been an observer. 4 years past the lawsuit, and he still is. He sees a lot of things that the other members tend to overlook. It’s not that Junsu has a strong intuition or is very perceptive _(Changmin made sure of that)_ , he just knew where to look.

 

He watches Jaejoong hanging out with his friends, leaving the dorm almost as early as 7am only to return around midnight, take endless selcas and post them on twitter, make countless flippant remarks and try to call up Heechul to get him go drinking with him - all in the day. But as night rolls around, he watches Jaejoong cook food that were meant for 6 people _(because Changmin ate enough for 2)_ , standing by the side observing as Jaejoong stumbled back into the dorm, dismissing a worried and angry Yunho with a wave of hand, for the fifth time in a week, keeping quiet as muted sobs drifted from Jaejoong’s room.

 

He sees the way Jaejoong and Yunho avoiding each other, hardly ever breathing the same air in the same room. He senses the tension between them, so thick that you could slice through it. He hears the way the short controlled conversations that they have. But he also sees the way Yunho carried Jaejoong back to his room after the elder threw up in the bathroom thanks to the hangover after the drunk-Jaejoong incident (as it will be dubbed). He senses the aura of concern and worry surrounding Jaejoong when Yunho suddenly collapsed one day after running off to look for Yoochun. He hears the hidden love and affection for each other through their daily conversations which have now lengthened to almost a full conversation.

 

He watches Yoochun submerging himself into dozens of dramas, hiding behind the mask of a character who is not him. He knows that feeling too well. He helps out every night as Yoochun memorizes scenes from a life that it’s not his. He listens for the slam of the door to the music studio and prepares himself for an assault of songs that would never be sung again. He enters the room late at night, only to clean up the mess that Yoochun made, putting away tear-stained score sheets that would never be played again, hiding them behind the piano even though he knows that they would be taken out the next day.

 

He sees the way Yoochun skirts around Yunho, avoiding eye contact, being on edge when they’re in the same room. He senses Yoochun itching to run whenever Yunho comes near him, as if he didn’t know how to handle the elder, how to approach him. He knows that Yoochun goes mute, as if saying a word per day isn’t mute enough, and hole himself him whenever near the elder. But he also sees the way Yoochun jumps up immediately from where he had been resting when Yunho collapsed the day after the find-Yoochun-in-the-rain incident. He watches Yoochun sitting beside the sick man for hours, refusing to move until the fever breaks. He hears Yoochun dragging the elder into the piano room, asking for comments on his songs.

 

He knows very well that he plays video games for the entire day, versus an invisible opponent as the other game console lays by his side, gathering dust as days pass. He knows that when night comes, he lies in bed, talking to the space beside him that was once occupied, asking questions that would never be answered, sentences that would never receive a reply. He dreads mealtimes the most, not because it’s too noisy and that he has to fight tooth and nail to protect his food from greedy long-legged beast. Instead, it’s too silent and he now has no one to fight with. Yoochun would rather give him the food instead of eating it. Jaejoong would just silently give him another serving. And Yunho... He couldn’t bring himself to ask the leader, who’s figure was thinner than any of them, even thinner than Jaejoong’s.

 

He knows that among the three of them, he could be considered the one who interacts with Yunho with the most normalcy, as normal as this entire situation could be considered. Yet, he also knows that his short, robotic, automated answers hurt Yunho more than his silence, his blank stare tears the elder apart more than his avoidance, his empty words pains the dancer more than his absence.

 

He knows, sees and observes all this and wonders who is left to observe the observer.

 

But all his doubts cleared when he felt a hand resting on his shoulder and turned to look up at the smiling face of his leader.

 

~~~

 

**_If this is the limit to the sky, will I be able to communicate with you?_ **

 

As it turned out, despite Yoochun’s initial belief and in favor of Jaejoong’s faith, things did indeed turn out to be alright. Slowly, but surely, with lots of trial and error, the four of them managed their own pace with each other, yet making sure to leave a space of their youngest.

 

They fell into their respective roles easily.

 

Jaejoong was still the one to wake the three of them up, was still the one to cook their meals for them, was still the one to fuss over them and made sure that they didn’t neglect their health, being the mother _(caretaker)_ of the family that he was.

 

Yoochun was still the one who suggested weird punishments for games, was still the one who tried to drag Junsu out to drink along with him and Jaejoong, was still the one who drop his pillows and blanket on the floor and make sure that the other three were with him for a movie night, with lots of tissues beside him because they WERE going to watch a romance movie no matter what, being the older brother ( _dreamer)_ of the family that he was.

 

Junsu was still the one who ended up getting bullied by the rest of them, was still the one to suggest a game of soccer on a bright sunny day, persuading the others till they agreed to play with him, was still the one to burst out into random songs in the middle of the day, being the younger brother or pet _(sunshine)_ of the family that he was.

 

Yunho was still the one who stayed up late at night waiting for the three of them to return from a bar after a successful attempt by the soulmates on cajoling Junsu to join them, was still the one who greeted them with a hug when they returned home and bought them out for ice cream after a long day, was still the one who kept them in place whenever they got too rowdy, being the father _(leader/foundation)_ of the family that he was.

 

 _Changmin was still the one who would run into the kitchen to bother Jaejoong for food and attempt to hoard all the food at meal times, was still the one who would wake Yoochun up for a midnight snack and head towards the music studio afterwards, was still the one to challenge Junsu to video games, playing until both of them fell asleep on each other, was still the one would remind Yunho to take a break from seriousness at times and poke fun at the leader just to see his reaction, being the maknae_ (precious) _of the family that he was._

 

_~~~_

 

**_Don’t be afraid, don’t hesitate anymore, because I’ll protect you_ **

 

The trees swayed in the distance, guided by the gentle breeze in the air. The sun high overhead casted a warm glow down below it, it’s rays at times being blocked by wandering clouds searching for a place that only they know.

 

Yunho knelt down and bowed his head, placing the flowers that he had bought in front of him, fingers brushing past the name on the cold marble gently, eyes downcast. He got up and stood back, waiting for the other three to take their turn. The tombstone in front of him seemed to be mocking him. It was his first time visiting his maknae’s grave. His other brothers had seen it on the day of the funeral which he had missed, and throughout the span of ten months in which he had gone missing, they visited it every week without fail.

 

It was the second anniversary of Changmin’s funeral. He had missed the first one, being overseas for some personal business. Yet that didn’t stop him from crying his eyes out till he felt asleep in that lonely bed in some random Hotel in Paris, overwhelmed by memories and the silence around him. He could have visited the grave many times within two years, yet he could never bring himself to even walk a kilometer near it. It had taken lots of begging _(Junsu)_ , tears _(Yoochun)_ and threats _(Jaejoong)_ to get him to come with them finally.

 

And now here it was, standing in front of him proud and tall, with **Shim Changmin** carved into the cool marble, as if asking him why he had to take so long to come.

 

“Sheesh. Even in death, I can’t escape from your clutches of terrorism-of-hyungs, can I Min ah?” He muttered as Jaejoong stood next to time, the latter’s lips quirking into a smile upon hearing those words.

 

“I don’t think you can escape him even when you’re in heaven.” Jaejoong retorted.

 

“I don’t think anyone of us can.” Yoochun spoke up as he stood and turned around to face them, eyes suspiciously sparkling.

 

Junsu laughed slightly from where he was kneeling in front of Changmin’s grave. “I don’t think, hyung-deul ah. I know it.”

 

The air around them lightened up by that little bicker and they stood in a line, staring at the grave. Yoochun nudged Yunho in front of them, causing the elder to turn around and look at him.

 

“Go hyung. It’s time to give your long overdue speech.”

 

Yunho gulped and shakily moved towards the grave, legs giving out when he was just in front of it and he collapsed to the ground. He reached out shakily and drew a deep breath.

 

“Hey... maknae ah. I’m... sorry that I took so long. It’s just that I couldn’t... yeah. Well, you know. I know. You probably would be scoffing at the idea that your strong leader is being a pussy. But... you know what Minnie Mouse, I had never been the strong one. It was always you. You were the one who held me up after the lawsuit, the one who dried my tears at night, the one who... who... made sure every suicide attempt I did fail.”

 

Yunho heard Jaejoong gasp at his last sentence but ignored it. He had to get this out before it drowned him.

 

“Thank you Min ah, for being there with me. But... I couldn’t even be there for your funeral. I’m so sorry Min ah... so sorry. I’m so sorry... sorry...” Yunho’s shoulders were shaking now, his voice breaking, eyes stinging.

 

“You know, Min ah. I kept that promise to you. I really did. I went into rehab after you died. When... when I got the news, the urge to throw up came back even harder. I... I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything, couldn’t even stand the sight of it. Everything around me reminded me of you... The bed, the food, the computer, even the damn door for gods sake. I wanted to start cutting again... But you know what Min? Every time I took up the knife... the promise with you starts to ring in my head. And... I couldn’t do it you know. Because... I promised you.”

 

By this time, Yunho’s face was streaked with tears, his throat was hoarse, his hands numb from the cold, and he didn’t even have enough strength to hold back his tears that were threatening to spill over.

 

“I’m such a failure. I almost couldn’t keep the promise I made to you. And I couldn’t even keep my group together. I’m... useless. I couldn’t... couldn’t even... even protect the four brothers which I loved so much. You know Min ah, there were times that I wished you had been the leader... that you were the one alive instead, because you could have... could have done a much better job than I did. After you died, I... really believed that I was useless. Jae, Su, Chunnie ah... they were gone. And now you... I couldn’t even protect at least one of my brothers. I should be... should be the one who had died instead!”

 

Arms surrounded him and Yunho found himself being pulled into a hug, surrounded by warm bodies at all sides, Jaejoong at the back, Yoochun and Junsu at the front.

 

“That was what I believed. But then, I realized something, Min ah. I realized that even if I died, I wouldn’t be able to atone for the sins that I had made, for the promises that I had failed to keep. And I had to atone by living.”

 

Yunho touched the name on the tombstone and stroked it gently.

 

“Thank you, Changmin ah. For everything. For living, for being there for me, for being _our_ brother.”

 

Another hand rested on top of his, and he turned to see Jaejoong’s face, eyes red with tears but yet a determined look in them.

 

“I promise, Minnie ah. It’s going to be alright. We’ll look after this idiotic leader of ours. Everything will be alright. I promise. We’re going to be alright.”

 

Another hand joined them. Junsu’s.

 

“We won’t let hyung fall ever again. And if he does, we’ll be there to catch him. We’ll heal him, and together, we’ll all heal. But we won’t forget you. Because you’re carved in too deep in our hearts for us to forget. That’s why...”

 

And finally, Yoochun’s.

 

“You can rest in peace now, paranoid maknae. None of us will get sick or anything, don’t worry. Everything will be alright now. So...”

 

_Thank you for loving us, Min ah._

 

Silence fell again. Then...

 

“But Junsu ah, ‘Because you’re carved in too deep in our hearts for us to forget’, that was supposed to be my line!”

 

“No one said it had to be our line or anything. It’s not like we had a script to follow.”

 

“But even if we didn’t, I’m the one in charge of the romantic lines. You can’t go stealing my job!”

 

“Who said I wanted your job, take it back you greasy bastard!”

 

“Greasy bastard? Like you’re any better duckbutt!”

 

“At least my forehead is not as wide as a football field!”

 

“You aren’t even worthy enough to play on my forehead.”

 

“Who ever said I wanted to play on your forehead!”

 

As Yoochun and Junsu bickered back and forth, Yunho felt a tug on his hair gently and looked up, only for Jaejoong to rest his forehead against his, hand somehow having snuck under the clothes and to his thigh, gently tracing the scars there.

 

“See Yunnie ah? Everything’s going to be alright.”

 

Yunho smiled back, and looked at the tombstone again. Yeah, everything would be alright, he thought as a breeze blows past him, gently drying his tears.

 

_We’ll love you, till the end of time._

 

~~~

 

**_Is it a chance for me to see you in my afterlife?_ **

 

As the afterglow of the setting sun dyes the sky a beautiful shade of red, not unlike their very own red ocean, a figure stood not afar from them, watching the scene unfold in front of his eyes as the four males prepared to leave the cemetery. He watched them go, gently smiling at the picturesque scene in front of him. He had been so scared that everything wouldn’t go well. But it seemed that everything was going to be alright, like what his hyung-deul promised.

 

“No. Thank you for loving me, hyung-deul. Thank you for never your undying love, even when we’re separated. Thank you hyung-deul ah. Saranghae.”

 

Changmin turned and walked away. But it was alright. Even though his body had decomposed, his spirit would always be there to watch over his hyungs.

 

As he continued on, Changmin didn’t notice that his footsteps grew lighter and lighter, his spectral form fading until there was nothing left of him, nothing left to prove his existence, _except for the memories and love inside the hearts of a certain group of four,_ and darkness swallowed him.

 

Or maybe he did notice, but it’s alright. Because no matter what, he would always be there watching, protecting, loving his hyungs, and be there to welcome them and reunite with them when their time were up.


End file.
